Paranoia Run A Ground

I feel I am always in a state of paranoia these days. I like to think of myself as easy-going, laid back, and slowly floating downstream, but the reality is, I am these things only 1/10th of the time. The rest of the time I feel like I’m swimming upstream or caught in an eddy(ironic well meaning double entente). I say all that to color in our most recent experience.
Last weekend we were out on the town, living it up at the landscape center, picking out flagstone for our patio. It had been warm that week, but Saturday it took a turn for the worse and was a frightfully chilly and a worn-out windy day. The kids were under dressed, bored and fidgety. Before we left our house that morning, I noticed Emma’s teeth seemed abnormally yellow. This scared me because of all the foods we have had to eliminate in recent weeks for her food allergies, maybe she was becoming malnourished. As the morning was progressing I became more and more agitated by it, hardly able to think about anything else. There’s so much responsibility when caring for children, their health, their safety, their development, it can be all-consuming and overwhelming sometimes. I kept thinking, “How am I ever going to keep her alive, let alone healthy?”
Eddy kept saying he couldn’t see it and so I gave them one last good look when we reached the Whole Foods Coop. It sort of looked textured so I gave it a scrape. What happened next rocked my world. . . it came off! Sweet relief! It was peanut butter from breakfast!! Worked up for nothing. I felt so embarrassed at myself for even going to the paranoia place in my mind, but then again this is the course I take often, thought turns to worry, which morphs into freak out, lessening to relief, and finally to a place of humility. Though I desire to be, I am not a roll-with-the-punches person most of the time, but I see it must be a nice place and I’ll be working on going there more often thanks to the peanut butter incident of last weekend.


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