Thoughts on Squirrels

I think squirrels are hilarious. Maybe its because we seem to have more squirrels than birds in our yard, but I feel like they are my friends(unfortunately I do see them more frequently than adults humans these days). That is until I catch them digging up my crocus bulbs or devouring the food at the bird feeder like the rodant/pigs they are, even more unpleasant names come to mind, but I will resist. We’ve named(ok, I’ve named) the few that have claimed our 50x140ft lot of land as their home.

Dots who frequents the tree outside our living room window is named for his two white ears that look like dots. He’s a punk. A real bully and not very bright either. We put a squirrel-proof feeder in this window and though he’s never been able to coax a seed from it, he never stops trying. I’ve enclosed a photo of him looking all cuddly and innocent. Its only an act for the camera. The kids love looking for him throughout the day. “Where’s Dots? Do you see Dots?” I ask as everyone runs to the windows straining on their tippy toes to find him.

Then there’s Stubby. Until recently when he lost his tail, I didn’t even know he exsisted. He looked like all the others, not to stereotype their species. But then he lost his tail. I like to imagine he barely escaped the grips of death in some valiant act of survival. Maybe a hawk swooped down and grabbed his tail hoping to eat him for dinner and he wiggled free having his fall broken by the branchs of a pine tree only to realize his tail was still in the hawks beak. Or that a cat was dragging him down the road back to his home for a tasty treat when he grabbed onto a small tree trunk and hung on for dear life until the cat pulled one last time and SNAP! The cat then flies backward with a hunk of furry and lifeless tail in its mouth and the squirrel makes his escape. Eddy thinks its just a birth defect. That’s boring.

My brother devised a machine that does all sorts of funny things with the squirrels like hurl them through the air just as they begin nibbling at a husk of corn. It sounds sort of cruel, but they actually like it and keep coming back for more. They are clever creatures always trying to outsmart you. He can totally build you one if you want, I promise you’ll never laugh so hard.


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