perseverance is a verb

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The work of creating is more than just the act. All the preparation. . . the shutting out of the world. . . the opening up of oneself. . .  the protecting of oneself. . . the gathering, oh I love the gathering. . . the things that make you tick tock toward the finished piece. . . I love all these moving parts. Such hard work and so satisfyingly adventurous.

There seems to be an endless learning curve where impatience builds, but as I work through this, accepting instead of fighting it. . . I’m finding joy in putting myself out there as an unfinished product. I simply will never be fully formed, because I am a work in progress.  . .always. This is ok. This is wonderfully freeing knowledge.

So I will press forward, casting my net wide, painting with courage and standing firm in my identity.IMG_4145

**Photos of my new studio thanks to my kind husband(and many generous friends) who gave so much of himself to make it a reality :)

through the ocean of doubt

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Pull the curtain back on any one painting and you are sure to witness the sea of doubt pounding against the shores of my creativity.  Doubt and fear that were sometimes cautiously, sometimes brazenly waded, swam and forged through.  

So many thoughts tumble about my mind throughout the course of a painting that I find it necessary to subdue them with sound. Be it music, a book on tape, a fine british crime drama or science radio. . . all fit the bill of overcoming the odds stacking against my will when I pick up the brush.  

Occasionally, however, I welcome the doubt, for it pushes arrogance aside, and realigns my nature to remain forever a student, to learn from each piece, not simply be satisfied with the comfortable. 

It seems rather vital to move through the fear rather than wish it away. Like any difficult trial in life, without it we would be spineless, with it we are more than conquerors.

**Painting Target, by me. Prints available here

 

silver linings, etc.

Gilmore - See Through Some weeks are just hard. This was one of them. My husband lost his job very suddenly to downsizing on Tuesday which threw our family into a tailspin. The most confusing part of it all is the up and down, back and forth of it all:

We were greatly relieved. . .he really had been languishing for quite a while.
We were terrified. . .we have a young family to support.
We were optimistic. . . time for reinventing ourselves, redefining our family purpose, etc.
We were discouraged/aimless. . . it’s totally overwhelming not knowing where to even start.
We were fortified. . . confident and sure this was exactly what my husband needed to pursue his passions(writing).

The truth is, we simply cannot count on security in the things of this world. The only thing I know to be true and trustworthy is my Lord. The anchor of my soul who walks with us through this challenging time, who leads our steps and can care for our family better than any high paying job.

So each day we consciously turn our thoughts and hearts to gratefulness for such amazing supportive friends and family that have rallied to our sides, the many blessings we do have, joy in the beauty all around us, hope in the One who carries all our sorrows and worries, and peace in knowing we will weather this. Every time we do this, fear is diminished and courage rises.

Here’s to another day!

**painting by me, “See Through”